It's always interesting how in the life's most momentous changes things seem to often move so quickly you hardly have time recognize what's happening. It's as though the minutes tick by painfully slowly in a monotonous rhythm of indecision in the days and weeks leading up to big changes. But once the decision is made and the change begins life shifts into some type of hyper warp drive that leaves me breathless and white knuckling it through the days.
It felt just this way as I moved into my new home in Irvine where I am renting a room. I spent weeks and months agonizing over what to do when I finished school and where I would end up. Then once a plan began to take shape it was less than a week and I had found a place, packed my things and stuffed myself into my newly rented room.
Anyone who's moved even one time knows the agony of moving. A person with 100 friends suddenly knows no one when it's time to move. Yet even when help can be found there's just nothing that can be done for the unpacking but to go it alone. Emptying the contents of boxes, bins and suitcases, reminiscing and carefully curating the years ahead into keep and give away piles is both daunting and tedious work. But above all - it's time consuming.
And that, is a problem. In my current work as an Uber/Lyft driver, I don't make money unless I'm out on the road driving. And so the time I had to take for moving and unpacking ate away at my meager funds at the worst possible time. So there I sat on my, mostly, final day of unpacking before heading back to work trying not to think about the fact that I had only $20 in my bank account (not enough for gas to work, much less food for the coming week). But what I was thinking about was my frustration at my apparently lost pillows - who loses pillows? Two, big, fluffy white pillows that fit my head so perfectly there was nary a neck pain in sight. But I couldn't find them and the thought plagued me as I stared bleary eyed at no less than 20 boxes filled with books.
I set aside my pillow woes to set in on the boxes of books armed with the knowledge that I had only 1 small bookcase in my room where anything I kept had to fit. I knew this would be a painful task of separating the wheat from the chaff as I waded in to the heaving pile of stories I'd been collecting since I was a child. Like a bandaid I knew the only way to get through was to just rip it off quickly without thinking. So I grabbed armfuls of books and after the briefest of glances I began tossing them to the right and left in keep and donate piles.
The donate boxes were filled to overflowing one by one by one. As I sifted through each book glancing at titles and stories long forgotten I couldn't help but reminisce. So much change was represented in these titles over the years. Even just 1 year prior my life had been completely different.
Last summer I was still living in my own 2 bedroom apartment with a roommate. I was just finishing my second year of seminary with no thought of what would come after. I'd received a message from my friend Amy, a youth pastor living in Manila, who said she was going to be in town later in the summer. We had made plans to hang out some while she was in town. In the midst of the conversation she asked if I would mind hosting a college student/intern of hers who would be in town ahead of her. I had met Edric before when visiting Amy and I said I was happy to have him come stay.
Edric arrived as planned and after some discussion we decided on an impromptu camping trip to Yosemite. It was still early summer so it would be cold there but we weren't put off - even if we should have been - and headed out with a group of 4 for a weekend of camping. I remember my time with Edric and Amy as one of those unexpected treats that brighten an otherwise mundane week. Like hitting all green lights on the way home from work or finding an extra $5 in the pocket of your jeans that you'd forgotten about. Just that little something that brings joy and fun and passes much too quickly.
In any case, here I was a full year later and life was so different and much more uncertain than it had been just a year prior. As I stood hunched over my toppling stacks of books to keep I picked up a book by Francis Chan called "Forgotten God". I paused a moment longer on this one remembering that I'd read it and contemplating if it should go in the keep or donate pile. I ran my thumb absentmindedly over the pages as I pondered my query. As I did, one of the pages popped back out of uniform with the rest showing a hint of something tucked in between the pages. I thumbed too quickly and so after passing it, I stopped to go back to the page. What on earth would be inside the book? I keep my books rather meticulous - never a bent page or paper left inside. My curiosity was peaked was I landed back at the page and sure enough there was a torn piece of brown paper and something greenish. My tired, late-night-moving brain couldn't comprehend what I was looking at. It appeared to be a torn piece of a lunch bag and monopoly money. I pulled out the slips of paper and as I unfolded there sat in front of me a crisp $100 bill and a short note.
My brain couldn't form words of comprehension. My eyes drifted toward the large writing at the top of the page that proclaimed, "THANK YOU CHRISSY!". As I read clarity seeped into my brain at the same rate that the words became blurry before my dampening eyes. The thankful stranger wrote:
"Thank you so much for having me! God has been taking care so much of me in my trip so far. You were definitely in my prayer requests and it's amazing to witness Him fulfill it through you. Thank you. :) Num. 6:24-26"
Edric
Edric. Edric! Could it be? A thank you note from Edric from a full year ago, from the summer before when he stayed with me? And what is this....he left me $100 tucked into a book?!! I just kept thinking what are the odds? I was giving books away. I hadn't thumbed through a single other book before this. I don't know why I even stopped at this one rather than tearing through like all the rest. $100?? Really?!
And then it occurred to me. Edric had tucked his thanks into a particular place in the book. Perhaps that was not by accident. And so I opened the book to the page and began to read,
"From my own experience, I have felt closer to God when nearness to Him was a necessity. The Bible says that the Spirit comes through in situations where we would normally be afraid (Luke 12:11-12). We experience the Holy Spirit guiding us in desperate situations, such as being placed on trial for the gospel (in some countries), when we are asked why we believe in a God that allows _____ (fill in the world's most recent tragic horror) to happen, or when we receive a totally unexpected phone call that a close family member has died.
Jesus refers to the Holy Spirit as the 'Helper' or 'Comforter.' Let me ask you a simple question: Why would we need to experience the Comforter if our lives are already comfortable? It is those who put their lives at risk and suffer for the gospel (Phi. 1:29) who will most often experience His being 'with you always, even to the end of the age' (Matt. 28:20 NASB). Though this verse is true for all believers (of course god is always with us), if we are never alone or feeling like we need Him, how much do we care or need to know that God is with us?" (p. 106-107)
As the words flew past my brain into my soul, the crushing weight of my current circumstances slammed into my heart. I'd joined a church plant community to work alongside them in a role without pay. I'd sold most of my possessions or given them away and was cramming what I had left into a room I was renting. I was working 10-12 hour days driving for Uber and Lyft and at that very moment, having lost 3 days of work, I had only $20 to my name and not a penny more. And here in these pages, God reminded me first of my need and second of his quiet provision. Why do we need a comforter if life is comfortable already the words said? We feel close to God when being near him is a necessity the author wrote. The Spirit comes in moments when we should feel fear and he gives us peace and it is those who risk their lives and suffer for the Gospel who experience the truth of God's presence "with us" - the words careened off the page left and right.
I was helpless to do more than slump onto the nearby couch and weep. It was $100. Not enough to pay all my bills for the month. But it was just in time and it was enough. Enough to put gas in the car to work that week. Enough to get a few groceries to last me till pay day. Enough to make a tearful drive over to Target to buy two, big, fluffy, white pillows.
---------------
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Subscribe to this blog on the right for weekly updates
It felt just this way as I moved into my new home in Irvine where I am renting a room. I spent weeks and months agonizing over what to do when I finished school and where I would end up. Then once a plan began to take shape it was less than a week and I had found a place, packed my things and stuffed myself into my newly rented room.
Anyone who's moved even one time knows the agony of moving. A person with 100 friends suddenly knows no one when it's time to move. Yet even when help can be found there's just nothing that can be done for the unpacking but to go it alone. Emptying the contents of boxes, bins and suitcases, reminiscing and carefully curating the years ahead into keep and give away piles is both daunting and tedious work. But above all - it's time consuming.
And that, is a problem. In my current work as an Uber/Lyft driver, I don't make money unless I'm out on the road driving. And so the time I had to take for moving and unpacking ate away at my meager funds at the worst possible time. So there I sat on my, mostly, final day of unpacking before heading back to work trying not to think about the fact that I had only $20 in my bank account (not enough for gas to work, much less food for the coming week). But what I was thinking about was my frustration at my apparently lost pillows - who loses pillows? Two, big, fluffy white pillows that fit my head so perfectly there was nary a neck pain in sight. But I couldn't find them and the thought plagued me as I stared bleary eyed at no less than 20 boxes filled with books.
I set aside my pillow woes to set in on the boxes of books armed with the knowledge that I had only 1 small bookcase in my room where anything I kept had to fit. I knew this would be a painful task of separating the wheat from the chaff as I waded in to the heaving pile of stories I'd been collecting since I was a child. Like a bandaid I knew the only way to get through was to just rip it off quickly without thinking. So I grabbed armfuls of books and after the briefest of glances I began tossing them to the right and left in keep and donate piles.
The donate boxes were filled to overflowing one by one by one. As I sifted through each book glancing at titles and stories long forgotten I couldn't help but reminisce. So much change was represented in these titles over the years. Even just 1 year prior my life had been completely different.
Last summer I was still living in my own 2 bedroom apartment with a roommate. I was just finishing my second year of seminary with no thought of what would come after. I'd received a message from my friend Amy, a youth pastor living in Manila, who said she was going to be in town later in the summer. We had made plans to hang out some while she was in town. In the midst of the conversation she asked if I would mind hosting a college student/intern of hers who would be in town ahead of her. I had met Edric before when visiting Amy and I said I was happy to have him come stay.
Edric arrived as planned and after some discussion we decided on an impromptu camping trip to Yosemite. It was still early summer so it would be cold there but we weren't put off - even if we should have been - and headed out with a group of 4 for a weekend of camping. I remember my time with Edric and Amy as one of those unexpected treats that brighten an otherwise mundane week. Like hitting all green lights on the way home from work or finding an extra $5 in the pocket of your jeans that you'd forgotten about. Just that little something that brings joy and fun and passes much too quickly.
In any case, here I was a full year later and life was so different and much more uncertain than it had been just a year prior. As I stood hunched over my toppling stacks of books to keep I picked up a book by Francis Chan called "Forgotten God". I paused a moment longer on this one remembering that I'd read it and contemplating if it should go in the keep or donate pile. I ran my thumb absentmindedly over the pages as I pondered my query. As I did, one of the pages popped back out of uniform with the rest showing a hint of something tucked in between the pages. I thumbed too quickly and so after passing it, I stopped to go back to the page. What on earth would be inside the book? I keep my books rather meticulous - never a bent page or paper left inside. My curiosity was peaked was I landed back at the page and sure enough there was a torn piece of brown paper and something greenish. My tired, late-night-moving brain couldn't comprehend what I was looking at. It appeared to be a torn piece of a lunch bag and monopoly money. I pulled out the slips of paper and as I unfolded there sat in front of me a crisp $100 bill and a short note.
My brain couldn't form words of comprehension. My eyes drifted toward the large writing at the top of the page that proclaimed, "THANK YOU CHRISSY!". As I read clarity seeped into my brain at the same rate that the words became blurry before my dampening eyes. The thankful stranger wrote:
"Thank you so much for having me! God has been taking care so much of me in my trip so far. You were definitely in my prayer requests and it's amazing to witness Him fulfill it through you. Thank you. :) Num. 6:24-26"
Edric
Edric. Edric! Could it be? A thank you note from Edric from a full year ago, from the summer before when he stayed with me? And what is this....he left me $100 tucked into a book?!! I just kept thinking what are the odds? I was giving books away. I hadn't thumbed through a single other book before this. I don't know why I even stopped at this one rather than tearing through like all the rest. $100?? Really?!
And then it occurred to me. Edric had tucked his thanks into a particular place in the book. Perhaps that was not by accident. And so I opened the book to the page and began to read,
"From my own experience, I have felt closer to God when nearness to Him was a necessity. The Bible says that the Spirit comes through in situations where we would normally be afraid (Luke 12:11-12). We experience the Holy Spirit guiding us in desperate situations, such as being placed on trial for the gospel (in some countries), when we are asked why we believe in a God that allows _____ (fill in the world's most recent tragic horror) to happen, or when we receive a totally unexpected phone call that a close family member has died.
Jesus refers to the Holy Spirit as the 'Helper' or 'Comforter.' Let me ask you a simple question: Why would we need to experience the Comforter if our lives are already comfortable? It is those who put their lives at risk and suffer for the gospel (Phi. 1:29) who will most often experience His being 'with you always, even to the end of the age' (Matt. 28:20 NASB). Though this verse is true for all believers (of course god is always with us), if we are never alone or feeling like we need Him, how much do we care or need to know that God is with us?" (p. 106-107)
As the words flew past my brain into my soul, the crushing weight of my current circumstances slammed into my heart. I'd joined a church plant community to work alongside them in a role without pay. I'd sold most of my possessions or given them away and was cramming what I had left into a room I was renting. I was working 10-12 hour days driving for Uber and Lyft and at that very moment, having lost 3 days of work, I had only $20 to my name and not a penny more. And here in these pages, God reminded me first of my need and second of his quiet provision. Why do we need a comforter if life is comfortable already the words said? We feel close to God when being near him is a necessity the author wrote. The Spirit comes in moments when we should feel fear and he gives us peace and it is those who risk their lives and suffer for the Gospel who experience the truth of God's presence "with us" - the words careened off the page left and right.
I was helpless to do more than slump onto the nearby couch and weep. It was $100. Not enough to pay all my bills for the month. But it was just in time and it was enough. Enough to put gas in the car to work that week. Enough to get a few groceries to last me till pay day. Enough to make a tearful drive over to Target to buy two, big, fluffy, white pillows.
---------------
Subscribe to my YouTube channel for more content: https://www.youtube.com/c/chrissy.remsberg
Subscribe to this blog on the right for weekly updates
