It's an interesting thing to leave a job of 6 years to go back to school. I worked as a youth pastor at an international church in Shanghai, China for 6 years. And then 3 years ago, I decided it was time to take the next step in my career and that meant leaving Shanghai to move to Southern California to pursue my Master of Divinity.
There are obvious changes and stresses to be expected in big life changes such as this. But you know what the most difficult change was? The name.
In Shanghai, I was the youth pastor, the youth director, the youth person, the church staff person.....In Shanghai I had so many names. At times I wanted to escape these names, just to be another face in the crowd. But I was known, I was seen. And then I moved to SoCal. And for a few months I luxuriated in the anonymity of newness. I walked into classrooms, church services, Bible studies, and grocery stores and I was just another no name. People forgot my name. They didn't know who I was. They didn't care where I was from. They came bearing no accolades and no critiques. I breathed deeply of this rarified air. I was a no name.
But after a few months when the newness began to wear off, it became clear just how much I'd come to depend on all those names I used to have. I mean at least I was somebody right? And now who am I? My no name status began to feel like a box all it's own - a dusty, forgotten box. In a city like Los Angeles, no names are decidedly not on trend.
As the months passed, I slogged through realizing that I needed to wrestle with these identity demons. Isn't it interesting how these things just pop back up like long dormant viruses waiting to attack our carefully honed spiritual immunity? But what better place to fight for my identity and remind myself who I am in Christ than in seminary?
And so here I am now a mere 2 weeks past graduation. MDiv (almost) firmly in hand (*cough* summer class *cough*). I've added a little Greek and Hebrew to the resume. I've stacked up a tidy sum of student loans. And I've unnecessarily expanded my personal library of books only skimmed once. I'm ready to charge out there to...well maybe not exactly to save the world....but at least to serve faithfully at a fantastic church and pray to the God of miracles to send manna from heaven to pay off these student loans. I'm ready for my title. Associate pastor maybe. Or young adult pastor. How about pastor of discipleship and small groups? I'm not too picky...just point me in the direction of my new name.
But God had other plans. A church plant. A new church that does not yet exist with a group of people I'm only just getting to know. It's clear. It's inescapable. So that's a plus. On the downside....there's no job. There's no pay. There's no new name.
For my last sermon of my creative preaching course...practically the last assignment I completed for seminary, I preached a sermon about Big Names and No Names. (This would be a good time to check it out if you haven't already!) I couldn't get this passage from 2 Kings 6:1-7 out of my head. This funny little story about a no name guy who loses an ax. How clever for me to find the significance and merit for such a strange story in the midst of such political turmoil. Yes...clever of me....or maybe just how knowing of God! And yet, as I sit here 2 weeks post graduation and I think about that same story, I'm struck again by the pull of the no name. What a struggle it can be to go through life daily feeling like a no name. We allow ourselves to be so subtly wrapped up into what we do, where we live, who we know. Something about us craves to be known, to have a name. All of life seems to propel us toward this all important end. And then almost sadistically, life works to systematically strip away that name.
What has stripped away your name? Loss of a job? Racism? Hatred? Empty Nest? Illness? Sexism? A big move? Financial difficulties? Broken relationships? Has your identity been wrapped up in something that has slipped away? Isn't it interesting how important these names are for us....sometimes without even realizing it?
It can be bittersweet to find yourself becoming a no name. And yet, this funny little story in 2 Kings reminds me that God saves no names. The story of Hagar under the tree reminds me that God's name is El Roi and he is the God who sees me. And Isaiah calls out to me,
-------------------
Watch the sermon that accompanies this blog at: https://youtu.be/c7pgJO4chxs
Subscribe to my YouTube channel for more content at: https//www.youtube.com/c/chrissy.remsberg
Subscribe to this blog on the right for weekly updates
There are obvious changes and stresses to be expected in big life changes such as this. But you know what the most difficult change was? The name.
In Shanghai, I was the youth pastor, the youth director, the youth person, the church staff person.....In Shanghai I had so many names. At times I wanted to escape these names, just to be another face in the crowd. But I was known, I was seen. And then I moved to SoCal. And for a few months I luxuriated in the anonymity of newness. I walked into classrooms, church services, Bible studies, and grocery stores and I was just another no name. People forgot my name. They didn't know who I was. They didn't care where I was from. They came bearing no accolades and no critiques. I breathed deeply of this rarified air. I was a no name.
But after a few months when the newness began to wear off, it became clear just how much I'd come to depend on all those names I used to have. I mean at least I was somebody right? And now who am I? My no name status began to feel like a box all it's own - a dusty, forgotten box. In a city like Los Angeles, no names are decidedly not on trend.
As the months passed, I slogged through realizing that I needed to wrestle with these identity demons. Isn't it interesting how these things just pop back up like long dormant viruses waiting to attack our carefully honed spiritual immunity? But what better place to fight for my identity and remind myself who I am in Christ than in seminary?
And so here I am now a mere 2 weeks past graduation. MDiv (almost) firmly in hand (*cough* summer class *cough*). I've added a little Greek and Hebrew to the resume. I've stacked up a tidy sum of student loans. And I've unnecessarily expanded my personal library of books only skimmed once. I'm ready to charge out there to...well maybe not exactly to save the world....but at least to serve faithfully at a fantastic church and pray to the God of miracles to send manna from heaven to pay off these student loans. I'm ready for my title. Associate pastor maybe. Or young adult pastor. How about pastor of discipleship and small groups? I'm not too picky...just point me in the direction of my new name.
But God had other plans. A church plant. A new church that does not yet exist with a group of people I'm only just getting to know. It's clear. It's inescapable. So that's a plus. On the downside....there's no job. There's no pay. There's no new name.
For my last sermon of my creative preaching course...practically the last assignment I completed for seminary, I preached a sermon about Big Names and No Names. (This would be a good time to check it out if you haven't already!) I couldn't get this passage from 2 Kings 6:1-7 out of my head. This funny little story about a no name guy who loses an ax. How clever for me to find the significance and merit for such a strange story in the midst of such political turmoil. Yes...clever of me....or maybe just how knowing of God! And yet, as I sit here 2 weeks post graduation and I think about that same story, I'm struck again by the pull of the no name. What a struggle it can be to go through life daily feeling like a no name. We allow ourselves to be so subtly wrapped up into what we do, where we live, who we know. Something about us craves to be known, to have a name. All of life seems to propel us toward this all important end. And then almost sadistically, life works to systematically strip away that name.
What has stripped away your name? Loss of a job? Racism? Hatred? Empty Nest? Illness? Sexism? A big move? Financial difficulties? Broken relationships? Has your identity been wrapped up in something that has slipped away? Isn't it interesting how important these names are for us....sometimes without even realizing it?
It can be bittersweet to find yourself becoming a no name. And yet, this funny little story in 2 Kings reminds me that God saves no names. The story of Hagar under the tree reminds me that God's name is El Roi and he is the God who sees me. And Isaiah calls out to me,
But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.
-------------------
Watch the sermon that accompanies this blog at: https://youtu.be/c7pgJO4chxs
Subscribe to my YouTube channel for more content at: https//www.youtube.com/c/chrissy.remsberg
Subscribe to this blog on the right for weekly updates
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